Sunday, May 25, 2014
MESSAGE FROM THE WORD POLICE!'
Oh Great Fuhrer! We who are about to destroy The LGBT Community, salute you! NEW RULES FROM THE WORD POLICE ! 10. No one will be allowed to wear false eyelashes! Our Great Leader once got a lash caught in her left eye and it caused her eye to go red as a wild beet! Now the sight of those huge scary giant spiders glued to Lady Bunny's eyes with Elmer's glue, causes her to go into hysterical shrieks so loud that that a flock of seagulls once landed on her head and tried to mate with her!!! NO EYELASHES! They are now deemed offensive to seagulls!!! Also from now on, anyone allowed in our Great Leader's presence will be required to have their eyelashes removed or simple pulled out! RULE NUNBER 9. No short skirts or dresses! As most other TGirls have better legs than our beloved Devine Lord, no short skirts or dresses will be allowed at any club, bar, Gay Rights marches or Harper Valley PTA meetings! RULE NUMBER 8. No make up! From now on, trans wo men will no longer be allowed to wear make up ! It makes us look like Harlots, like Jezebel from the Bible! Jezebel was an evil wo man that tempted men into drgrading sex ! Any trans wo man that wears make up will be thrown out their apartment windows! Because after all, if the dogs wouldn't eat Jezebell's face because of all the poisonous make up, then make up must be offensive to dogs and it should not be allowed! RULE NUMBER 7. No further use of the word 'woman.' Since the word 'woman' contains the word 'man' it is therefore offensive! From now on we will drop the man bit and refer to ourselves as wos! We are Transwos! The word 'man' is now banned because it is hurtful and painful for us to remember that we were once considered 'men!' We haven't thought about how this will affect Female to Males yet because we are also banning the word 'female' because it contains the word 'male.' This is equally offensive to us Wos so from now on we are to be referred to as 'FES.' Also while we are at it let 's ban the word 'human' as well! This is a very hurtful word as one day a Ford Pickup full of rednecks yelled out, "Hey you ugly human." at one of us so the word 'human' is hereby deemed offensive and is now banned! From now on we shall say HU. As in I am a WO and a FE and I belong to the Hu Race ! RULE NUMBER 6. No Wigs!! Transwos will no longer be allowed to wear wigs because they are hot as HELL!!!!! And even if you did break this rule and wore a wig, since you are no longer allowed to wear make up you wouldn't have to worry about the wigs making your make up run! And for all of you that have thin hair or a receded hairline or are BALD, our Leader has suggested you use a magic marker to color in some hair!!! But please be careful if you are in the back seat of a hot car with a sex partner and you are giving 'him' a hot breezejob! (Blow is banned.) Cause the magic marker could come (Oopps!) off on his hands and if you used a black (Oooops!) or brown magic marker, this could be offensive to him if he is a RACIST! Oh praise our Great Leader! This is for your own good! Little BIG SISTER SAYS SO!!! Oh wait ! RULE NUMBER 5. Sister is also to be banned because it contains the letters S I S which is short (Whoops!) for SISSY which is offensive to Transwos because someone here on planet earth one day may yell "SISSY!!!!" at one of us! And that mean old RuPaul uses the slur word 'sissy' as in "Sissy that walk!" And this is highly offensive to us high and mighty, hello down there, more educated than you, Transwos!!! So no more wigs and no more sissy! Just as a sidenote, I have no idea what poor offensive people like Lady Bunny are going to do! No wigs, no make up, no short skirts, no false eyelashes! OMG ! Lady Bunny will no longer exist! But who cares ! She is just an offensive 'dragqueen' that uses slurs in her act just like RuPaul so as long as we get OUR way, WHO CARES what the likes of Lady Bunny and 'her' ilk think! RULE NUMBER 4. No more nail polish. We haven't figured out yet why this is offensive, but don't worry, WE WILL!!! RULE NUMBER 3. No hiheels! Or hi heels. Or high heels! I mean, heels that are hi. No wait, I mean heels that are high. Not a person that is high like "That heel sure is high" or as in "Hi you high heel." And not as in "You are high and I am going to 'heal' you, praise the Lord!!!" I'm speaking of those things that those 'dragqueens' wear on their feet! Shoes! Oh thats it! Shoes! High heels are offensive so from now on everyone will have to wear flats. The term 'flats' here, refers to shoes and not where someone lives, as in "I am British, and I live in a 'flat.' Flats are also more safe to wear in public in case someone yells "sissy" at you, and you have to run! As in the case of how it was back in the 60's, when queens (Ooooops!) had to carry two pairs of shoes on them in case a truck full of rednecks drove up and started calling everyone "Ringo" and other slur words. (Google Beatles) And the 'gurls' (Ooooops again!) had to make a quick switch from heels to flats so they could run faster ! So sorry wos and fes! No more highheels! RULE NUMBER 2. Our Great And Powerful Oz, oooops, I mean, LEADER, has informed me that there is to be a change in the lettering of the term, GLBT ! Why is the T last? We as Transwos and Fes are deeply hurt and are suffering tremendously from this lower case positioning of the letter T ! We are hurt and are bleeding profusely out our anal canals over this discrimination! So from now on it will be the TBLG Community. We are way too important to be misrepresented and abused in this manner ! And remember, it's 'ladies first' except in the case of when we want to use a situation to aquire and abuse more power by putting our rights first above everyone elses!!! Remember, we have the right to abuse your rights! We can forbid you the right to choose which words you can and cannot use to identify yourselves! WE come first and screw you !!! Oh summer is here and change is in the air! So we are now the TBLG Community! RULE NUMBER 1. Our Supreme Leader of The Sacred Country of Tranistan, has ruled that because all language contains slurs and upsetting words that we no longer wish to hear, that ALL language and words will be banned in our presence! You will now address and converse with US in a series of, GRUNTS, MOANS, GROANS, FARTS AND BELCHES, all set to classical music! You may use 'mmmmmmmmm' and 'Hmmmmmm' as well as rolling your eyes in all manner of horrid expressions ! This will assure us that we will no longer be upset or offended by ANY words! OH and you may also wiggle your hips and wave your arms around like you were doing The Locomotion. For those of you who are too young to recall The Locomotion, please go to Google and get yourself educated! Oh, and you didn't get this from me (I am being watched myself by The Word Police!) but while you are there, look up the word FASCISM! You may actually learn something that could save our entire community!!! OUR GREAT AND POWERFUL LEADER HATH SPOKEN!!!!
Posted by JAYNE COUNTY at 8:47 PM